Perfection

The other day I was working out a recipe for an aromatherapy "Calm Down" blend for the book and it got me thinking about how grandkids aren't always perfect or even fun to be around. This is a hard thing to admit. I've rarely heard a grandparent say "I love 'em, but those kids were wild monsters the last time they were here and I couldn't wait for their parents to come home."

Of course, grandparents aren't always that fun to hang out with either. Sometimes we're tired and grouchy or secretly resentful that we cancelled our kayaking weekend to babysit. Sometimes we snap, raise our voices, have moments of impatience that make us feel immediately ashamed.

You don't see those pictures in the brag book, the ones with Grandma's hair all disheveled and the house torn up -- Grandpa on his hands and knees cleaning some sort of hazardous waste from the carpet that everyone knows is going to leave a stain that will NEVER EVER come out of there.

Grandma with her mouth screwed wide open screaming "Get down from there!" for the millionth time or Grandpa with his clamped shut just trying not blast a string of obsenities out the back door.

No, those are the pictures we Grandparents lock up in our minds' eyes because they remind us too much of parenting. Too real and tired and too this is why I can't have nice things in the house.

Maybe we don't talk about the bad parts because we understand how quickly it all passes -- the unpleasantness as well as the pleasures. We know that in about five minutes our grandchildren will be teenagers and might not want to come to our house for a weekend anymore. Won't ask us to howl at the moon or play Candyland. So we suck it up, snuggle on the couch and watch their favorite video with them for the tenth time and invest in the best carpet cleaner money can buy.

They're worth it. Little angels.

More than Just a Pretty Face

I recently read a study by the University of Southern California that concluded that children who have an affectionate relationship with at least one of their grandparents scored higher on self-esteem tests than those who didn't. In fact, the positive affects of good grandparental relationships can even counterbalance the negative affects of divorce on a child's self-esteem.

In other words -- it's an important job.

Starting Over -- Again

Alright, I'll do it. I'll have a Granny blog! Instead of trying to squeeze it in somewhere else I'll give the grandmothers a place of their own, as they deserve.

Funny how my dreams of beekeeping went kaput, and yet I now find myself "queen" of a busy little hive. Co-queen really. I happily share the title with my daughter and want very much for her to feel that she's in her "own" home and not just a guest in ours.

Here's the story:

Three years ago L and I were trying to figure out how to move ourselves to a part of the world we never wanted to live in again just so we could be close to our grandkids. We only have one child so we can play favorites like that. I was literally heartsick to miss out on all the big events in their little lives. My dream of grandmothering was to be a cookie-baking, car-pooling, soccer-game-attending kind of grandma who let you stay up late and eat pizza in the living room when you slept over. Not the kind you talk to on the phone a couple of times a month and get Christmas presents in the mail from.

Today we’re hands-on grandparents in our own cozy California home where we get to bake cookies, build impossibly complicated wooden models of dragons, (Ages 5 and up, really? C’mon, that thing has about 200 pieces!) car-pool, attend karate and tumbling classes and let the kids stay up late and eat pizza on the weekend.

But it's not ideal -- imagine that. We're exhausted, and just as we were getting our old-married-couple mojo back there's a houseful of people to contend with. The other day I heard Eli say to his grandpa 'You guys sure do have a small house." To which Pop-Pop replied, "Well it sure does seem a lot smaller than it used to."

We're figuring out how to live in a multi-generational home, to make room for toys and messes and naps and dinners that are hours earlier than we've grown used to and to a lack of privacy and having our possessions lost or stained or "accidental broken" every other day.

Adjusting, adjusting, adjusting. That's our motto. Pop-Pop and I help eachother to remember that whatever adjustments we're making our daughter and her children are making more and more difficult ones as they learn how to be a new kind of family without all the toys and space and people they were used to having.

Which brings me to this blog -- a place to write about the adjustments, share some laughs, some Granny projects and celebrate my new life living with grandchildren.

So, welcome to the Grandmother's Club. Membership is open!